the past is something that makes me ache. there are great times that i long to experience again, and horrible times that i wish to forever forget. friends made, laughs sounded, smiles cracked. those were the good days. we never imagined the future to come so quickly, never saw it coming until it hit us. we never could grasp the feelings of growing up and moving on. leaving everything behind to only be kept safe in our memories and pictures. how is it that we were prepared for this, but it still comes with such shock. growing up is hard because there are times and moments that make you who you are. but then they are gone so suddenly that you seem to have slept through the good parts. there are certain things that will remain frozen in my mind. captured for me to now and again look back to. smiles, food, places, hands, eyes, graduation day, the miles we ran together. those are the things that matter. the grades have been forgotten, the lectures may as well have been on mute. lunch time, meet days, dances. those are the building blocks for memories. hugs. friendship. growing up is harder than anyone has ever said it would be.
but i must remember that i am still growing up. only now, I'm in a new setting. with new friends to smile with, new memories to create, new food to eat. everyday has the potential to be a memorable day. to be the best day. one day, i will look back on the here and now, and i will wish that i could return to what is going on right now. i should make every day count. when i will look back, i will know that i did not waste time or take the opportunities i have for granted. live and love and learn. make today the best day, and tomorrow even better.
these words might sound fake, corny, exaggerated and exploding with dramatic emotion. all i am trying to do is not forget the past, and make a better future. i miss my friends, i miss my high school days. where everything was much easier and less scary. i need to be strong. life is not the same. this is the truth, these words are for real. I'm scared of the future. things just get overwhelming sometimes. this is when i need to step back, and take a deep breath. chill out, and stop worrying. everything is going to be ok. it actually will be hard, but it will be great at the same time. i can do this. breathe and then conquer. keep moving forward and be on your best behavior. (this is me talking to myself, and reassuring my self.) its good stuff.
i am my own person, and i am unconventional. i just do things my way. others can only make me feel inferior or unimportant if i let them. so i sure as heck will stand up and fight for who i am. i will not disintegrate and become nothing or nobody. no sir. not me. i am not going anywhere and you cannot make me feel insecure or defeated. i have the power to control how i feel. i know Jesus loves me, i know my mother loves me. i am a son of God. that is about all that i need. friends and other family members love me too. i am so blessed to have all of these wonderful people in my life. why should i feel so small. i am loved. i am loved. and o how glorious it feels.
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